


Roll on the "random family makeup" table

by jadelennox



Category: Order of the Stick
Genre: Character of Color, Gen, Yuletide, Yuletide Treat, child character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 04:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadelennox/pseuds/jadelennox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Uncle Myrtok told me that if you don't want to get eaten by the bogeyman you have to have a low armor class," she said. "He said he didn't take with these modern ways."</p><p>"Oh, geeze," yelled Roy, and Julia giggled because he had used a bad word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roll on the "random family makeup" table

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mistress_scarlett](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mistress_scarlett).



> [](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/us/)  
> This work by jadelennox is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/us/).

In her beginning, what she could see was mostly colors and movement. She couldn't even really see outlines, so people were splashes of color without the thick black lines defining their outsides. The best person was the warm brown circle that later she knew was "Mom". The shorter brown circle came in sometimes with Mom and poked her or giggled. That was her second favorite, and as she grew older she learned to call it "Roy". There were others scattered in there sometimes -- visiting family, clerics, the sahuagin lady from down the street -- and every once in a while a short short figure mostly notable for the grey inverted triangle near the top. That figure appeared so rarely that it was a long time after Julia could really see people, could distinguish their faces and their smells, before she attached a label to it. When Roy told her, in tones of great disgust, "look, baby, that's your Daddy out there arguing with Mom and not noticing either of us," it didn't seem important.

But one day the Daddy came right up to Julia and took her from her crib. "A baby," he breathed. "We have another baby."

"Geez, Dad," said Roy. "Failed any Spot checks recently?"

Julia reached into the gray triangle on Daddy's face. It seemed... grabbable. Experimentally, she grabbed and tugged sharply. The reaction was _amazing_. Daddy made a little squeaking noise, and his round eyes turned into tiny lines. She giggled, and did it again.

"That's Daddy's girl," wheezed Daddy, and Julia was in love.

* * *

"Mom, what's my THAC0?" asked Julia one day, when she came home from preschool.

Her mother laughed, not turning around as she fixed Julia's snack. "Something only old people care about, peaches. Where did you hear that word?"

"Uncle Myrtok told me I have to have a better THAC0 or the bogeyman will get me." Julia stood on her tiptoes, trying to see what snack was today. Was that carrot sticks? _Boring_. "Does he think I'm a baby? I don't believe in the bogeyman."

"Get down from there." Her mother turned from chopping up the carrot sticks to lift Julia down from where she was climbing onto the counter. "You'll hurt yourself; you have to be careful, sweetie. I'll talk to your uncle. He shouldn't be frightening you like that."

"I'm not frightened!" insisted Julia. Maybe she could get peanut butter with the carrot sticks.

After the carrot sticks ("accidentally" spilled all over the floor, so she got apple slices instead, hooray!), the rest of Julia's afternoon went swimmingly. That is, until stupid Roy came home.

"Mom!" yelled Roy, dragging Julia out of his room by one hand. "The baby was in my room trying to cut holes in my new armor!"

Their mother took one horrified look and grabbed the dagger from Julia's hand, hurling it onto the kitchen counter where it skittered into a bowl of oranges. "You were playing with knives? Where did you get a dagger, Julia Erica Greenhilt?" She gathered Julia into her arms, yanking her hand from Roy's and pulling her into a too-tight squashy hug. "Don't you ever, _ever_ do that again."

Roy crossed his arms and glared. "You're missing the point, mom. She was _cutting up my armor_."

Julia's mom ignored Roy and rocked back and forth with Julia and her arms. Julia thought it was kind of nice, even though she was holding on too tight. After a minute, her mother let go of the hug and held Julia just far enough away from her that she could see her mom's face. "Baby," said her mom. "Why were you cutting up your brother's armor?"

"Uncle Myrtok told me that if you don't want to get eaten by the bogeyman you have to have a low armor class," she said. "He said he didn't take with these modern ways."

"Oh, _geeze_," yelled Roy, and Julia giggled because he had used a bad word.

Her mom closed her eyes and pulled Julia back into the hug. "I don't want you ever talking to that man again," she said into Julia's hair. "And where did you get that dagger?"

"Under Roy's bed," said Julia.

"Wait -- what? What the heck were you doing under my --"

Their mom's glare could almost cast fireball. "_Roy_."

"Seriously! Why doesn't Julia get in trouble for being in my room?"

Roy was grounded for three weeks. It was totally cool, because instead of going to soccer practice he came home every afternoon and ended up so bored he would play with Julia.

* * *

"Whatcha reading, sweet pea?"

Julia looked up, then flung her magazine aside in joy. "Daddy!" She jumped in his arms, smelling the delicious tangy odor of material spell components and his even more familiar smell of cheap ale. "I missed you!"

Her father laughed, wrapping his arms around her. "It hasn't been that long since I've come home, has it?"

"It'll be three weeks on Thursday," she said. Julia was still a little bit fuzzy on dates, because they hadn't done those yet in first grade. Roy had been ranting about her dad's absence, though, so she always knew how long he'd been gone.

"Really?" He looked surprised. "Those magic users' conferences really make me lose track of time." He walked back to the sofa with her, holding her hand. "Do you want to watch some crystal ball with me? What's that show you like, the one with the goblin who likes trash and lives in the garbage can?"

She giggled. "I'm practicing my reading," she said. "Roy said all the crystal ball I watch will rot my brain." She held up the magazine proudly.

"I can't believe my baby girl is reading." He took the magazine, and raised one thick black line of an eyebrow. "I particularly can't believe my baby girl is reading Flappers." He held one hand over the cover, trying to block it. Julia peeked interestedly at the image her father's three fingers were failing to block. Its gorgeous gossamer butterfly wings interested her more than its huge, come-hither smile, and its shimmering, orange-tinted yellow hide was what had attracted her about the magazine in the first place.

She yelped as her father yanked the magazine away from her. "Don't look at this magazine," he said, sharply. "What kind of... seriously, a faerie dragon? That's just _nasty_." He held the magazine closer to his face so he could make out the words on the image. "'Meet Miss Alturiak: this sylph is looking to befriend adventurers in exchange for a favor'. 'Sprites _really_ love Druids'. 'Queen of the Slutterflies'. What _is_ this?" He shook his head. "Stupid question. Julia, how did you get hold of a 20-year-old wing-fetishist skin mag?"

She grabbed for the magazine but he held it out of reach. "Give it back!" She pouted. "It was in Roy's room, under his pillow. I wanted to practice reading to impress him so I looked for something Roy thinks is fun. I think Uncle Myrtok gave it to him. And this one had pictures!"

"_ROY!_" her father roared, and Julia slipped off the sofa and ran to her room. She hadn't meant to get Roy in trouble again.

* * *

Julia rechecked her suitcase, doublechecking that her cigarettes were hidden under her neatly folded little-girl skirts. She wasn't in the slightest bit apprehensive about her first term at Warthog's School of Wizardry and Sorcery; she couldn't wait to brush the dust of this place from her shoes. Roy wanted to go off to Bash U and get away from his baby sister? Fine. She didn't need him anyway.

Besides, she was going to have an awesome time at Warthog's. Dad had promised her a piece of +1 jewelry as a going away present. He'd been thinking something like an amulet of Int, obviously. Something that would make her a better magic user. But she was so totally gonna get him to buy her a tongue stud of Cha. That would be a way better help for her success at school than a stupid intelligence buff.

Or maybe, she thought, leering slightly at the thought of the hot upperclassmen she hoped to meet at Warthog's, she'd get something that was +1 Dex.

Yeah. She didn't need her stupid brother, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a late-breaking treat, so forgive its rushed nature. Also, thank you for giving me an excuse to review the second edition Monstrous Compendium I in order to construct the OOTS equivalent of an older brother's hand-me-down 1970's pornographic magazine.


End file.
